GUESSING MY DEATH by CAConrad

2010-07-29T16:45:00.001-04:00

by choking in
11 years
4 months
2 weeks
6 days
12:18 pm

----

when i win the lottery
i want my legs amputated
and two beautiful peg legs
wooden of course

Frank Sherlock says it's
a very bad idea
he says I should
reconsider
seriously
reconsider

i want peg legs but
he says i'll regret it
he might be right

but what i really
want is to have my
real legs (the ones
I don't want)
cremated because
what i really want
is to scatter
my own
ashes

i thought about getting
liposuction and having
the fat cremated
but it's not
the same
because i can
eat more
delicious
donuts and
grow it back

it doesn't count

it HAS to be
something
missing for
good you
know

but to
spread my
own ashes is something
i love thinking about
and the cheerful
sound of my
peg legs on
Philadelphia
sidewalks

2010-07-28T10:49:00.003-04:00

by tornado in
16 years
5 months
2 weeks
6 days
8:49 am

----

i'm trying
to make the
tree ring
i mean this
you know what
i mean
exactly yes
i'm trying
to make the
tree ring
it's fortunate
more leaves
don't cover
us in the
process i'm
open to abstraction
on this page a
painting
literally
more
abstraction lost in copious design
some of the orange
signs tell us
exactly how
you go if you
drive or abstract
winnings of
extractable
longitudes
looters display
winning contents
on the
mattress a
winning
collage
things
you
use
are
losing the
way to get
at trying to
make the
tree ring
an effort an
effort you
say an effort
but you say you also say
mayonnaise does it better
so then mayonnaise it

2010-07-27T13:55:00.011-04:00

by bludgeoning in
4 years
10 months
1 week
1 day
6:22 am

----

MY FIRST AFGHANI MEAL WAS WITH
FRANK SHERLOCK AND RON SILLIMAN
THREE YEARS AFTER THE AMERICAN
INVASION OF AFGHANISTAN

delicious
turnover how
many people
were killed
that day?
the waitress was nice
was the music Afghani?
no, Egyptian
i don't understand
Kandahar or the
Korengal Valley any
more than I do
Valley Forge
and I've been
to Valley Forge
a lot
the
deer and
daisies are
not why it's
remembered
and if the
battles had
not been
waged
those hills
would have
been part
of King of
Prussia
shopping
mall
the
importance
of war kept this soil free from a
legion of
cement
trucks and
steel
National Park
National Park the
cannon and
the cannon
and the
cannon
ball
tree
roots
cradle

2010-07-26T01:23:00.002-04:00

by stroke in
39 years
11 months
3 weeks
6 days
8:19 pm

----

FYI

your 45 minute
talk felt like
3 hours
i'm not a big
fan of similes
but it was
like listening to
Hedda Gabler
describe a
dental hygiene exam and after the first
hour and a half of
your 45 minutes
i prayed for
the angel of
death to break
through the
ceiling and
snatch me
away

2010-07-25T11:44:00.005-04:00

by falling off a radio tower in
8 years
4 months
1 week
6 days
3:42 am

----

(what i'm about to say is not
nostalgia for, or a sentimental
reunion for, but a painful need
for agreeing that
we're not crazy)

Some
Times I want
To visit the
Locations
Of the three
UFO's I've
Seen with
Friends

Brooklyn, New York with
Frank Sherlock

Chinatown, Philadelphia with
Elizabeth Angelo

Cornwall, England with
Jo Mariner

2010-07-24T15:16:00.005-04:00

by nuclear missile in
2 years
2 months
3 weeks
6 days
9:47 am

----

i convinced my
sometimes-boyfriend
Peanut to swallow
a beautiful quartz
gemstone

it came to me to
have it pass through
Peanut's body
then
clean it
swallow it myself

this special stone's
specialness increased
from passing
through
our bodies

it will vibrate of
our shared
pregnancy

two men in
love three
times a week
sometimes
four times

2010-07-23T17:43:00.006-04:00

by falling into an elevator shaft in
6 years
4 months
2 weeks
5 days
midnight

----

dream of frying giant leaves with christina strong at her new home in hawaii pink little pink (NEON PINK) butterflies fly out of the leaves as we cook them she says it's a good sign i ask her if she's sure she says while waving a freshly lit joint NEVER DOUBT A BUTTERFLY CONRAD!

second part of dream i fly into NY from hawaii and brenda iijima meets me at airport we take subway into town there are advertisements for lockheed martin on train i say BRENDA THERE ARE ADS FOR LOCKHEED MARTIN she says I KNOW I KNOW i asked WHY THOUGH WHY ON EARTH she says WHILE YOU WERE AWAY WAR ENDED AND NOW THEY NEED TO ADVERTISE BECAUSE OF WORLD PEACE it was the most exciting news ever we got off at 2nd Ave and there were thousands of people hugging in the streets

(some dreams like this dream i want to reenact exactly)

2010-07-22T16:49:00.002-04:00

by electrocution in
4 years
11 months
1 week
1 day
4:13 am

----

I really
love moving
while
standing still
sitting still
I do it by
escalator
bus
airplane
elevator
horse
car
train
trolley
LSD

(must admit most of
my acid trips have
been evil I need
a lighter trip
diet LSD)

2010-07-21T16:15:00.005-04:00

by wild dogs in
14 years
7 months
3 weeks
2 days
1:00 am

----

there were four of them it was the strangest mugging i was going to a poetry reading in philadelphia walked the wrong way they called out from behind me as if they knew me the one with the knife came around first "AW, HEY, HE'S A DUDE!" a little confused by my long hair bright green shirt purple glitter nail polish two were behind me while another faced me and asked
"are you gay?"
"yes"
"my cousin is gay"
"do you like your cousin?"
"yeah, my cousin's cool, i LOVE my family"
while the one with the knife pointed at my heart then my stomach jerking in his hand pointed at my head then my groin he was irritated by our conversation "JUST GIVE ME YOUR WALLET MAN!" he found only twelve dollars "TWELVE DOLLARS IS ALL YOU GOT!?" the one who likes his gay cousin said "just take the cash, cards are hard to replace" they argued but took only the cash dropped the wallet ran off three dollars for each of them but it was a gay-positive mugging

2010-07-20T10:54:00.003-04:00

by lung cancer in
12 years
8 months
2 weeks
6 days
4:17 pm

----

GATHER HIS SPERM! someone must dress as a nurse (I'LL DO IT!) cheerfully walk into Dick Cheney's hospital room (I'LL DO IT!) jerk him off into a dixie cup (I'LL DO IT!) seed gathering magic spell for the future demon caste (I'LL DO IT!) "This is your happy ending Demon Cheney, hope you enjoy!"

2010-07-19T13:35:00.004-04:00

by drowning in
13 years
3 months
2 weeks
6 days
4:12 pm

----

DICK CHENEY is so close to death today I can smell his funeral flowers MMM SO DELICIOUS I want to eat Dick's pretty little posy wosy!

2010-07-18T09:08:00.006-04:00

by heart attack in
50 years
4 months
3 weeks
6 days
2:15 pm

----

dream of making a GIANT CAKE in Penny Arcade's apartment we are laughing because marshmallows when baked become tiny people but if you bake them too long it kills them we keep checking to make sure we aren't killing tiny marshmallow people we bring them out they stand on our hands singing Penny says while laughing WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THEM ALL? I say EAT THEM! then they run away to hide in the apartment we crack up laughing again of course

2010-07-17T10:14:00.003-04:00

by stabbing in
10 years
2 months
1 week
4 days
3:15 am

----

these anxieties
will themselves
to fit my
aching
head

then
suddenly
HEAR pain
give ground

2010-07-16T11:20:00.006-04:00

by car wreck in
23 years
4 months
6 days
noon

----

woke to
idling
truck

a willing
Earthling
interested in
award-winning
seat belts

----

a little note at the end of this series of poems:

i'm going to have
a samosa eating
contest with
myself but before
i do oh people
of the future
i am so angry
that you walk
beautiful with life
my city's streets
without me after
i die but go to
my favorite
corner please
and wave at
the sky please
22nd & Chestnut Streets,
Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania,
United States of America,
Planet Earth,
Milky Way Galaxy,
The Universe